Sunday, October 18, 2009

Dear So and So...

Saw that some people on my myspace were writing posts like this in bulletin posts, so I thought I would try this one here.  Hope you enjoy my thoughts on so and so.

Dear Thighs, Butt, and Boobs,

Thank you for standing your ground and maintaining your stupid too small size, even though my Precious Peanut is 14 months old now and I eat all the time like a horse and lounge around, it's nice to know that I will never have that banging body chasing after a baby that drains all of my energy away... It's exciting to have to try to find pants and skirts that fit my small assed frame...slightly larger than a kids size...I would love to have a butt to actually say I have some junk in the trunk...what the heck happened that you had to go AWOL on me? Having my boobs shrink down to the size of pears, after three kids....was super exciting!...(Note my sarcasm)

Pissed the heck off...


Dear Boobs,

Please refer to the above post^^. What have I ever done to you to make you treat me so badly? I buy you nice bras, massage you when you are sore, wear supportive garments and take you to the doctor once a year. Yet lately, you and my belly button are trying to become best friends--Oh the betrayal! I will remember this.

Soon to be Sagging,


Dear NGIS,

Thank you for keeping my hubby at work late to train your dumb re-class and bncoc students. Thank you for teaching them to draw points on a map and whatever else you do, I love how I think about their future, and that they will work for companies such as Google or map quest to create GPS systems that takes me in a million different directions when I only need the quickest or the most alternate route...I appreciate you drawing this to my attention, that there is a graduation for this class, and that there will be cake and refreshments. I'm sure the countless man hours spent deciphering between "what a bridge is" and "if it is an obstacle" will pay off tremendously in my efforts to GPS navigate my way to the local Target. I will personally attend the ceremony..if I can ever figure out where it is with my GPS. I also don't absolutely know what he really does...but it has to be important, I don't see him until 10 pm some nights. I am beginning to think him and Tim are the only two E7's in the entire army that actually work!

Want my husband to spend more time at home,


Dear Good Idea Fairy,

Whoever cleared you to work for the Government is an idiot, yet you still keep showing up. I really loved your work with the automatic lights in the break rooms and bathrooms of the Fort Belvoir Commissary. Having it go dark in the middle of the day while I am squatted over a toilet is such a hoot! Its especially humorous to see government employees with lettuce hanging from their mouths, jumping up and down and waving their arms at the sensors. Oh, and keeping the Commissary open seven days a week was such a great idea. I get to shop with 1000 of my closest non friends and get even closer when waiting in lines wrapped around the meat department. I also get to stand in the silence that only gets cut through (and I wish for it at times )by a screaming baby, due to the fact that no one speaks to anyone here. Is that some type of OPSEC I didn't get the memo for?

Wishing I could set your wings on fire,


Dear Ft Belvoir and the Commonwealth of Virginia Residents,

I want to personally commend you for remaining the flagship installation of the Army. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for opening up my eyes to what the Flagship installation has to offer for its families. I'm glad you stood your ground and decided to make your gate guards announce it to us every time we pass through your crusty half- arced secured gates. I also love how Clark Pinnacle Housing handles housing issues. It makes me feel so much more grounded when I got to choose between housing that is old and falling down, to new shoddily built housing that you threw up in a short period of time that is too close together, and too short on space. Bonus though, it also is perfect for people who are not like me and don't want to ever get to know their neighbors, thank you for the closed off feel and the privacy fenced back yards, the cold front doors without screens or proper porches for visiting, thanks for the unfriendly curb appeal and atmosphere of your brand new housing. There is a community center though that has meetings once a month for newcomers that NO ONE Goes to that we can try to meet new people, that was a great idea. I suppose my neighbor and I could have become friendly like Mr. Wilson from Home Improvement, and peek over the fence and we could have talked to each other's eyeballs. Thank you for all those row houses that look so much alike. Thank you for instead putting me in Hood lawn...I mean Woodlawn village for a year. It was always super quiet there too...neighbors? I seen neighbors, when they were rushing off in their vehicles, but because of the atmosphere here, no one talks to anyone. On another note thank you for not fixing my leaky faucet, running toilets, or leaking ac units, you caused your already spooky, WWII era decrepit place to get black mold--I understand you were refurbishing them this year and we would have moved anyways into your new housing with even more unfriendly atmosphere. Thank you for not charging me a cent for damages, I would not have paid you a red cent anyways. The decision for me to pack up my family and move out of housing and into a beautiful house 45 minutes away came easily for me. Thank you for leading me in the right direction. We were hopeful, but then realized that just about everyone who is from Virginia has the "give everyone who says hello, the silent treatment" thing going on. Someone must have schooled them to remain silent, ignore or just stare when teaching them etiquette. Thank you for also helping my husband decide to chase dots and get assigned elsewhere. You did so much great things for us Fort Belvoir and Virginia! My heartfelt thanks!

Patiently waiting for a new duty assignment to a friendlier post and/or state,


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